Worried

Had a bit of a panic attack and wasn't able to sleep last night. Normally, I am exhausted and fall into bed without any problems, but I tossed and turned all night last night and maybe slept a few hours. Mostly, I am worried about everything going on. I have this need to keep up on everything and complete tasks/assignments/work on time and to the best of my ability. But, with so many things happening, I am worried that I won't get it all done. I have to remind myself: take things one day at a time, you are only one person, people will understand you can't possibly do everything. We'll see.

My class started tonight. I think it will be good, but it is a master's class. So, there is a significant amount of reading and several papers due. I am not quite sure what to expect, so I'll have to take it week by week. I'm also a little nervous that I haven't written a paper in years and never in the APA style. I ordered the APA style guide to help me out, but I have a feeling it will take me a lot longer to write the first couple of papers while I get used to the writing style. I am definitely worried about doing well in the course and what future classes will be like.

I want to finish my masters, but I also have a fulltime job, well more than fulltime job. Even working 50+ hours per week, I am behind and getting new projects added daily. I usually try to stay ahead of the things coming at me, but it has been a bit crazy lately and for now I am just keeping up. Plus, I am tired when I get home work work. After a 9-10 hour day, I am wiped and don't want to sit at a computer anymore. That makes it hard to take classes on the side. I am worried that I won't get everything done I have to do on daily basis for work.

Then there is running. I already signed-up for several races, including 3 half-marathons. Yikes, what was I thinking!! This means I need to start training yesterday! I am already behind! Running is my stress relief. Sometimes I'll run for an hour just working out problems in my head - things to be solved at work, tasks to be done at home, etc. The issue is I really need the stress relief and sometimes training can become a point of stress and not relief. Plus, I am trying to keep up 2-3 weight training sessions per week. I am worried that I won't get in my training and lose the pure joy of working out for enjoyment.

Then there are always things around the house and family commitments. We certainly have a to-do list of items for our house. Additionally, we'll be out of town for family events several times in the next few months. I am worried I won't have time to grocery shop or do laundry on the weekends, let alone do my assignments for class. I am worried people won't understand if we just can't make it once or twice.

Mainly I am worried because there are so many balls in the air - more than I can fit into this blog. I am hoping I can keep on top of it out and no one will be mad if I have to say no in order to get it all done.